Q&A: How to cope with jealousy in an open relationship?

Q: How to cope with jealousy in an open relationship?

Jealousy feels crappy and can cause conflict within relationships regardless of relationship style. However, dealing with jealousy in polyamory or any non-monogamous/open relationship can feel especially frustrating if you expect, or pressure yourself, not to experience it. Keep reading for five polyamory tips for coping with the green monster.

Don’t ignore negative feelings

If you start to feel jealous, don’t force yourself to push it down. There is nothing wrong with experiencing what you feel. Plus, ignoring your feelings can lead to conflict later on in the relationship so own up to them.

Identify the cause

Jealousy is linked to insecurity within a relationship and can be fueled by past patterns, situations that remind us of past triggering events, a lack of confidence, or people who do not deserve our trust. Figure out what is causing your jealousy in this moment so you can speak to your partner with a clear head.

Speak with your partner & strategize

This doesn’t mean slinging accusations and insults. Instead, if you’ve done the work of identifying what led to your jealous feelings, share what you learned. You can come ready with suggestions for how to mediate or avoid triggering events that your partner can support whenever possible.

Take care of you

Sometimes, there isn’t much our partners can do or we realize that it’s up to us to mediate our feelings and prevent negative reactions. For example, if you know you feel tense when your partner is out on a date with someone else, create a list of things that bring you joy AND serve as effective distraction mechanisms to fill the time in which they are gone.

Check-in regularly

It can feel nerve-wracking to approach a partner when we are feeling jealous, whatever the cause. To alleviate some of that tension, consider scheduling monthly check-ins where you and your partner set aside a specific amount of time for deep reflection. Write down times you’ve felt insecure or jealous as well as times you’ve felt supported, loved, and connected. Share these with one another to celebrate how you are succeeding and to identify ways to further support when issues arise.

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