I wish I was one of those people who could orgasm in five minutes and every five minutes. But that’s just not me (it might not be you either) and that’s OK.

It’s not uncommon for people with penises to feel (or have their partners feel) they orgasm too quickly and for people with vulvas to feel they are taking too long. The opposite can also be true – people with penises can have partners who feel raw (or whose partners get lockjaw) because of how long their partners last and people with vulvas can feel embarrassed by their body’s quick ecstasy. Whatever your orgasm speed, there are multiple ways to have a satisfying sex life.

Whether you experience trouble orgasming, never had a partnered orgasm, or never orgasmed at all, this article is meant to help you find routes to your pleasure! You may be surprised, but most of what you’ll want to do rests in self-reflection and general self-work before it gets physical. That’s because what often keeps us from pleasure is what’s between our ears rather than what’s between our legs.

Sometimes you’re tired and just want sex to end or you don’t want to make your partner feel insecure about not helping you climax. Maybe your lover has pleasured your body for 45 minutes and even though it feels great, your orgasm remains beyond the horizon and it embarrasses you or causes guilt. If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone.

When you’ve realized your pleasure is worth the time and care, take it up a notch. Don’t speed through the end once you’re excited. Elongate the pleasure and anticipation through teasing and different sensory play. For specific examples with descriptions, check out 7 Steps to Next Level Physical Intimacy. Remember, it’s not a sprint. Good things take time and you’re totally worth it.