Blasting Through Gender Binaries and Attraction
Gender identity, gender presentation, and sexual orientation are beautiful and complex forms of identity that mix and match in infinite ways.
Sometimes they are completely independent from one another, and at other times, they are so entangled that it would do injustice if separation were attempted. Unfortunately, due to widespread homophobia (and cisnormativity), the meshing or conflating of gender and sexual orientation labels around gender norms can be both limiting as well as used as weapons against different people and communities.
Many of us were raised in societies that equate men with a specific definition of masculinity and women with a specific definition of femininity and anyone who diverged from those expectations were considered outside the norm. Ciswomen may be given more space to genderbend and can be labeled a “tomboy” or something equivalent without it being considered a problem or negative trait, assuming they are still straight. Women who veer more masculine than is considered “appropriate” are labeled as lesbians or dykes (both of which are words the queer community uses as well) and men experience terms such as fairy, faggot, sissy, and so on, intended to both ridicule femininity and assume sexual orientation because anyone who plays with gender norms is assumed to not be straight.
Because of rigid expectations around binary genders and heterosexual attraction, people get stuck when trying to understand experiences outside of those expectations. For example, transpeople who pass as cisgender (cisgender people are people whose gender identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth) can sometimes fall comfortably within our binary understandings but cis and transpeople in particular who do not play by the rules of masculinity or feminity (whether or not by choice) receive a lot of pushback and sometimes violence. Similarly, the idea of the effeminate gay man became so infamous that even within gay spaces, effeminate gay men can experience discrimination when “masculinity” is upheld as superior or more valid.
Thankfully, there is a shift happening. As more and more people start to become aware of the complexities of gender, sex, and attraction, it becomes clear that static and limiting labels require upgrades and expansion. One such example are the words gynosexual, androsexual, and androgynosexual.
Gynosexual attraction is to women, femmes, and femininity. This word can include attraction to all women (cis and trans) as well as attraction to other genders, such as men and gender nonbinary people, that have feminine gender presentations or act “feminine.” Androsexual attraction is the opposite, attraction to men, masc people, and masculinity. Therefore, it can include attraction to all men, as well as women and nonbinary folk who have masculine gender presenations or act “masculine.” Androgynosexual are those who are attracted to people whose gender identity or presentation leans towards androgynous.
Unlike terms like heterosexual, lesbian, or gay, there is no need to identify the gender of the person who is gyno, andro, or androgynosexual, nor the genders or sexes of their partners. For some, this may feel scary because there are no neat boxes and for others, absolutely liberating. How do these terms make you feel?
